


The Diary of a Madman

by HellFire0102



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Cute, Don't Try This At Home, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insanity, Murder, Murder Mystery, My First Fanfic, Other, Self-Harm, Therapy, Violent Thoughts, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HellFire0102/pseuds/HellFire0102
Summary: As police struggle to find the killer that has shaken a small town to its core, a diary is mailed anonymously. Is this the key to the string of murders? Or does this lead to something darker?





	1. Everybody's looking for relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get to know Gee! This is my first work so give me some slack. I hope it doesn't suck. Anyway... the more kudos, the faster the next chapter comes. It gets better I promise.

      Dear Diary, Have you ever wondered what it would be like to take someone's life? To see the light fade from their eyes?How would you do it? When would you do it? Who would be the victim? These are my thoughts as I walked across the courtyard of the school. You see, I’m not popular, in fact, I have no friends. It's almost like I’m invisible.I eat alone at lunch and the "populars" hate me. Actually, one of the "populars" is the “victim” in my thinking. We used to be friends along time ago. We were indeed very close but our relationship was doomed from the start.

      He doesn't even look at me anymore. He plays football on the varsity team and is very good. He cant chance looking in my direction. He is muscular while I’m small and weak, he has blonde hair and blue eyes while I have black hair and green eyes. He is attractive by all standards. I, on the other hand, am the adverse. I don’t really know why I loathe him so much. Maybe it’s because he's popular and has friends. Maybe it because he abandoned me and stole all of my friends along the way. Maybe because he’s everything I’m not. I’ve done enough thinking today. Until next time-G

      Dear Diary, I rarely look in the mirror but today I did. I saw everything about myself that I hate. The too white skin tone, the messy black hair, the tired green eyes, and the overall skinny look. I put on a black shirt,black skinny jeans, and my black and white Converses. I even put on a Fake Smile™ and eyeliner. I actually didn’t look too dead today. But today wasn’t an ordinary day. No, today was my first therapy session. I had to make a good first impression before I gave him/her nightmares.  
      The session kind of went like this,  
      “Hello, my name is Doctor Brad Oswald. But you can call me Brad if you want. What’s your name,”He smiled. I could tell it was fake. It was about as fake as mine. I already knew what his objective was with this. Be happy and nice and figure out what the fuck is wrong with this kid.  
      “Hi, I’m Gerard.” My voice was monotone and he could probably see right through me.  
      “Why don’t we get to know each other. I’ll go first. My favorite band is Bassam. It’s a Jazz band if you didn’t know and I like Pepsi.”  
      “I don't have a favorite band but I love the Misfits and Black Flag. My favorite drink is coffee.”  
      “Well,Gerard, I think we’re going to get along great.”


	2. Clever Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey and Gee are planning something. What is it?
> 
>  
> 
> TW: self harm

      I walked straight past my little brother Mikey to get to my room.

      “How’d it go?” He asked

       In response, I slammed my door and flopped into my bed. I know he doesn’t deserve it because he is in the same place as I. It's all became too much for me. I don’t know if I can make it through another year. I stood up and walked into the small bathroom that is attached to my room. I took out a small box hidden behind the mouthwash I never use. My fingers slid over the razor and I began to shake. I made sure that both my bedroom and bathroom door were locked. I sat on the toilet seat as I brought the blade across my skin. It wasn’t the first time nor it will be last. Three red lines mark my forearm. I immediately felt guilty afterwards but I also felt good.

      I gingerly wrapped my arm making sure to stop the bleeding. I carefully put the box back and walked back to my bed. I lay down making sure not to harm myself. As soon as my head hit the pillow I started to cry. I don’t think I’ve ever cried harder. I thought of everything I’ve ever done wrong, the bullying that made me cut, and the parents who just don’t give a shit whether I lived or died. I didn’t even know that I had fallen asleep.

      I wake up covered in a cold layer of sweat. I sat up and looked around. Something didn’t feel right. I got up and walked down the hall to Mikey's room and knocked on the door.

      “Mikes? Are you okay? Can I come in?” Instead of waiting for an answer I opened his door and was met with him looking out the window.

      “I’m going to kill him Gee.” Mikey said calmly. I knew that he wasn’t kidding because I felt the same.

      “I know Mikey. I know.” I responded as I leaned down in front of him.

      “Who do you hate so much that you would kill them?” I questioned genuinely intrigued.

      “His name is Jake and I want to kill him.” He said finally making eye contact with me.

      “What did he do to make you want to kill him?” I internally cringed because I sound like my therapist.   

      “It’s none of your concern.”

      “I believe it is. I wanna know why I’m goin to kill this kid.” I responded.

      “Really? You’d help me?” He asked with a curious glint in his eyes.

      “To death do us part brother.” I said smiling.

      “He raped a girl last year. I saw it.” He replied.

      “Why didn’t you say anything when it happened?”

      “It’d be my word against his. He’s the quarterback of the football team. Ima nobody.” He said bitterly.

      “I see… how are you gonna do it?” I urged.

      “I don’t have a gun.” He said suddenly aware of what he was planning.

      “I have a knife.If you backed out I could always do it ya know.” I told him.

      “You really are the best Gerard. Let me sleep on this to see if it is worth it.” He said rolling over in bed.

      “Of course baby bro. G’night.” I said leaving his room

      “G’night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... more exciting things in the future. Do they decide to do it? Will Mikey chicken out?
> 
> The more kudos the faster you get the next chapter.


	3. Pretty. Odd.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your gonna meet someone new today!

      I woke up the next morning with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I got up, got dressed, and brushed my teeth. After I was done brushing my teeth, I walked back into my room to see Mikey sitting on my bed.   
      “What’s up Moikey?” I said with a nervous hint in my voice.

      “Yes,” He replied quickly.

      “Yes what?” I asked cautiously.

      “Yes, I want to do it,” Finally making eye contact as he replied.

      “Um, okay but is this really a good time and place to do it?” I questioned.

      “The quicker, the better,” He said as he walked out of my room.

      “Jesus fucking Christ what did I get myself into,” I mumbled as I sat down.

      I finished getting dressed and put on a black hoodie then I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed out the door. It was really chilly this morning on the walk to school. The wind decided to blow cold and hard at my face too. I was already done with today and it was only 7:05 in the morning. It's about a thirty minute walk to school and the rest of the time I stand outside and smoke as I wait for the morning “Go Fuck Yourself” bell. I thought of what Mikey and I are getting ourselves into. Murder? Well, I think I’ve watched enough Dexter to get away with it. But this isn’t fiction. This is my brother and I’s life I’m putting on the line, no matter how much this guy deserved it or how much plastic wrapped I used.

      Before I knew it, I was at the school. I sighed as I walked up the hard sidewalk and cut across the grass to the tree I always smoke under. No one ever stops me. Why would they? I’m only killing myself. I know it’s a bad habit and I should quit but it makes me not stress over life. I really need not to stress. To me when people tell me to quit, it's like people telling someone to quit listening to music. Could I? Yes. Would I be happy? Oh hell no. Would it be for the good of people around me? Depends if they like punk. Another thing I should stop doing is drinking coffee. It tastes so good I know it has to be bad. But honestly, I don’t think I could survive without coffee and cigarettes. I need them in my life just as much as you need music in yours.

      Just as I was contemplating why I like punk music way more than hip-hop, the “Go Fuck Yourself” bell rang. I kept my head down as always as I passed people in the hallway. Most of them I knew but never dared talked to. One of my old friends Lindsay passed me with a small smile. We used to be really close but ever since she became a cheerleader she rarely talks to me. I don’t blame her. My first class is math. I fucking hate math. Who thought it would be a good idea to have math first period. “Hey look at all these who just woke up. Lets fuck with their brains for an hour and a half.” I thought as I stepped into the classroom. Another thing I hate about this class is that it's full of jocks. People who don’t acknowledge my existence. I don’t really care about that it's just that they constantly think that they're better than everyone and that shit gets annoying. I got sat down in the back of class, as always, took out my notebook and a pencil, as always, and waited for the teacher to announce how he was gonna screw us over today.

      The tardy bell rang just as a new kid stumbled in. One thing that I immediately  noticed was his hair. He had a big afro. Like a HUGE afro. It kind of danced to its own beat as the “afro dude” made an excuse as to why he was late.

      “I’m sorry, I really am. It’s just that I’m new to this school and had no idea where the he-,” He stopped himself, “ where I was going or need to be going.” He explained turning a bit red at his almost fuck up. 

      “It's okay,” Mr. Huebl sighed, “just make sure that it doesn’t happen again. You can sit in the desk next to Gerard. Gerard raise you hand please.” He said.

      I tentatively raised my hand as “afro dude” came over and sat down. He had on a Ramones t-shirt, something I had failed to see when he was in front of everyone. 

      “Hi! I’m Ray!” Afr-Ray said with a giant smile.

      “I’m Gerard nice to meet you,” I said with a smile I hope was endearing and not creepy. I could tell Ray was looking at me. It is not a very relieving feeling. It’s quite the opposite.

      “Ray,” Mr. Huebl said, “If you need anything ask Gerard I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help,” He smiled with a pointed look towards me, “and if you could, please stay after class so I can get you caught up.”

      Ray nods in response and goes back to doodling on the notebook paper. I also start to doodle knowing whatever Hueble’s teaching is far less important than my mini vampire and Frankenstein's monster. 

      Before I knew it the “Congrats on making it through first block. Maybe This Next Class Will Kill You” bell rang. I groaned and started packing up my things. Just as I was stepping out the door, Ray popped beside me.

      “Hey friend, what do you have next?” He asked. This kid was starting to get on my nerves but he has been the first kid to talk to me my age since Lindsay. 

      “I have art with Halsey,” I say quickly.

      “Me too! You can be my walking buddy now.” He said as we walked down the hall. “Joy” I thought as I led him to the art wing. Well, at least I’ll have someone to sit with at lunch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been late with posting. I have school shit I have to do along with cheer every night so its hard but I'll continue if you guy's keep reading. As always, the more kudos/comments the faster the next chapter.
> 
> Until next time~ C


	4. This Is How We Like To Do It In The Murder Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Mikey follow through or chicken out? This chapter is longer so I hope you like it. Hope it doesn't suck!
> 
> TW: Lots of cursing and PG13 rated stuff.

      I found out that Ray was pretty cool. We have the same taste in music ,which makes conversations easier, and he plays guitar. I also found out that he is a closeted   

      Bi. I have no problem with this. Especially since I’m bi myself. He also has no intrest in me whatsoever. I believe his exact words were, “No offence dude, but you are basically the opposite of my type.” I’m glad that I don’t have to sit alone at lunch anymore also. It makes things less awkward if there is two people sitting at the “wierd” table. 

      Right now I’m walking home. Ray lives close to us but his mom drove him home because his current car is having issues. They asked if I would like a ride but I declined since I enjoy walking and not socializing as much as possible. I watched a car pass along side me then slow to a crawling pace. My heart immediately started beating fast and my breathing was fast.

      When I got parallel to the tinted window, a man rolled it down, “Yo ,Gerald, want somethin?I gotta lot,” The man showed me a plastic bag with what I assume to be heroin in it, and a bag with what I know it marijuana in it.

      “Nah man, I’m good,” My voice wavering in the process.

      “‘K man. Have a good one,” He said as he rolled up his windows and drove away.

      I don’t really have an issue with drugs. I used to smoke when I was about fourteen, but I’ve been clean for a few years. I about 100 percent sure that Mikey has tried. I’m not to sure he wasn’t on it when he told me about Jake. The leaves crunched under my feet as I walked up my driveway. I wondered if Mikey was actually being serious. I was kinda hoping that it was just a joke. 

      As I hopped up the steps, Mikey came out to the front porch and said, “Back Porch. We need ta talk.” Then without another word he walked back in.

      I just turned around and walked to the back porch. So many memories, good and bad, made their home back here. The time Mikey and I had a water gun fight when we didn’t know bad resided in the world. The time where I thought I was a superhero and jumped off the porch, breaking my arm. Those days were so innocent. Nothing could touch us. But now things were the opposite. Shades of blue and grey overtake shades of yellow and green. I sat down on the chair I almost caught fire to one time. Ah, good story indeed. It was a warm July night, and we were shooting off fireworks. One went off too soon and shot wildly across the yard onto the porch and then i-

      “So are you just gonna sit in the chair and stare into space or actually talk to me?” Mikey interrupted my thoughts.

      “Uh, ya, sorry. What’s up?” I asked

      “Here. Read this,” He slides over a folder, “it’s everything you need to know.” I open the folder to see pictures of the guy and stats. “If read this you will have no questions. We will do it a week from today at midnight. He will be home alone so I suspect he’ll throw a party. You can find a way to do it. I don’t want it to be too bloody. Something quick.” He explains. It looks like he has put at least two sleepless nights into this. It is incredibly detailed. Of Course we will have to burn it after or before or else it will be evidence against us. Mikey got up and left, leaving me with the life of someone I don’t know in my hands. If he follows through with this, he would be fourteen and have killed somebody. It isn’t like I haven’t thought or even planned on killing someone, but I have never even stuck a toe out in acting upon it. 

      I walked up the steps into my room and into my room. I locked the door and began reading. It even had steps. Oh shit. What have I got myself into? 

      “Oh fuck fuck fuckity fuck. What have I done?” I mumbled. I read somewhere that if you take a syringe full of air and stick it between somebody's toes or fingernail it’ll mimic a heart attack and it's almost certain death. I really hope it works because I don’t wanna get my hands dirty. 

      By the time I have read all of the papers, it is almost ten o’clock. I stick the folder under my mattress and change into clothes I can sleep in. Which requires me taking off my jeans and then sliding into bed.

      No matter how hard I try, sleep evades me. One thousand positions, three hours, and many hopeless hopings later, I finally give up on sleep. So instead, I put on pants and climbed out my window onto the roof. I sat on the roof and gazed at stars until the sun rose. I prefer sunsets over rises, but this one was beautiful. It was almost like the sun had no idea what horrors were going on in cover of its rays. 

      I went down stairs to get a coffee after my roof adventure and though about my idea. A syringe wouldn't be hard to obtain because Mom's a nurse, but it made me nervous thinking about stealing anything from my mom. She wasn’t home a lot so it may be harder than I thought but it is my only resource. I took a long sip of the scalding liquid before putting the cup down. Mikey came stumbling down the stairs, obviously tired. At least today is Saturday so I could sleep and possibly get thing figured out. 

      “Morning,” Mikey croaked.

      “Morning,” I replied.

      “Figured it out?” He asked, he sounded more awake after he stole a drink of my coffee.

      “Ya. I syringe full with air between the toes or under the fingernail,” I said smoothly as I took a drink of coffee. I honestly couldn’t believe we were having this conversation.

      “Okay, that could work. But I kinda wanna do it sooner.” He said thoughtfully. Shit shit shit shitshitshitshit.

      “Do you think we could manage it today?” He said with something dark in his eyes. 

      “Uh… I guess… I mean I’m prepared at all but I think we could do it…” I said nervously. 

      “Okay, then we will,” He said as he walked out of the room. 

_ Time jump to later that day~~~ _

      It was time. We stood in front of the house. It had colored lights flashing everywhere and people coming in out. People were puking in the grass and well, everywhere. I look acceptable tonight. Leather everything plus eyeliner. I was the definition of punk and I loved it. Mikey didn’t look to bad either. Jeans, a red t-shirt, black combat boots, and chains. He had definitely caught the eye of a girl drinking on the porch. She was staring directly at him, not even trying to hide it.

      “I don’t think I can do this Gee.” He said lacking his earlier confidence. But we had came to far to back out. 

      “Then I’ll do it. Go have fun Mikes. See ya on the flip side.” I whispered in his ear and then walked with him to the front. The girl on the porch started talking, “Hey cutie, I’m Hannah.” The gi-Hannah said. “I-I’m Mikey,” Mikey stuttered. Instead of making fun of him, she giggled. I left him on the porch and stepped directly into the madness. 

      The whole place was buzzing with activity. People singing, dancing(if you could call it that) and drinking. I remembered the guy from the picture and looked for him. I didn’t see him so I found the stairs covered in people and what I’m guessing is puke. I maneuvered around around people awkwardly and went up the stairs which were crunchy. Ew. I got to a fork in the road, or the hallway to be exact. It was either left or right. My gut feeling was left do I went with it. I saw many a door with socks over the handle. Still ew. I finally came to a room at the end of the hallway that was full of thick smoke. Great. Someone either got set on fire or they were smoking. I’m going to guess the latter. I walked into the room. I tried to blend in by sitting down. There was only two other guys in the room, one of them being Jake. I decided to play drunk.

      “Could you,” Hiccup ,“let me have a hit?”

      “Woah maaan you sound fuckin wasted. Here.” Jake said handing me a joint. I took a long hit off of it. I blew it out in bubbles and watched them drift up. I decided to make up a sob story.

      “My girlfriend just broke up with me. I don’t get it either. I mean she was pretty as fuck but she was soooo annoying like… really annoying. All she talked about is how ugly I am and how lucky I was to have her… Fucking bitch.” I slurred.

      “Fuck man I’m sorry. I could help you though,” He said taking the bait. I looked up with doe-eyes and said, “Really? How?”. 

      “C’mere baby. Guys leave us alone yea? And you know what ta do to the door,” He said smirking.

      “Y-yea? How,” I asked making my voice shake. He scooted closer to me.

     “Tell me if you wanna stop, okay?” I might have took a hit but that line made me sober up. “O-okay,” I stuttered. “What's your name, sugar?” Jake asked with a rough voice. “G-Gee.” I want to keep it simple and not bonding.

      “What’s y-yours?” 

      “Jake.” he whispered in my ear.  I giggled. “I like that name. Its cute.” 

      “Fuck you have the sexiest voice.”

      “Thanks,” I said turning red. I know what happens next and I hate how I have to play the unexpecting boy-toy. Jake put his lips on mine soft at first and then harder. I had to play along so I melted into the kiss. He smiled at this and pulled away. I whimpered at the lost.

      “Thats right my little whore. You like that?” He said not waiting for an answer before slamming his lips on mine. I allowed his tongue to be slipped into my mouth. He tasted like weed and dirt. So overall nasty. I explored his mouth to sell it, he explored mine. We shared pockets of air. He tangled his hands in my hair. Ugh, I guess I have to do the same. I gently put my hands at the back of his neck and deepened the kiss to show it wasn’t just a one man kiss. Soon, I broke the kiss, gasping for air. “Damn, you’re a great kisser,” He breathed. Lindsay used to tell me that. We started kissing again but this time Jake tried to get under my shirt. I broke the kiss saying no. “Come on, it’ll help you forget,” He said. “But I don’t wanna,” I sighed. “Come on,” He growled then attacked my lips again. I hate him. I said no but he is doing it anyway. I tried to push his hands off but instead of letting go, he just gripped me tighter. I pushed with all my might, making him stumble backward. He looked furious and I’m not lying when I say I was a little terrified. I quickly fixed my mistake by saying, “You were so nice to me, I want to make you happy,” I said puffing out my bottom lip. “ I see... ,” He answered crawling back. “ I know what you could do,” He said flicking his eyes between me and his dick. God Mikey owes me own.

      “Come’re baby, let me take you,” I said confidently. 

      “Fuck I like you confident,” He murmured. He stood me up and walked over to the bed with me. He sat down on top and I sat on the floor between his legs. He pulled out a bottle of lube from the bedside table. He dropped his jeans and started to palm himself through his underwear. “Make noise. Moan for me babe,” He said still touching himself. “Oh fuck J. Oh baby… Oh...Ah…” I moaned just like a little whore. Just to sell it further I kicked off my jeans and started touching myself. He didn’t turn me on at all so I thought of something else as I felt myself get hard. I leaned up and grabbed the lube from the bed. I lathered myself and started moving faster. I peeked my eyes open to see Jake looking at me. “Don’t stop… oh please don’t,” He moaned. I decided I couldn’t take much more of alive Jake. I’ll have to act quick. “I don’t think I can last much longer Jakey,” Testing out a pet name. “Oh fuck me too,” He gasped. I saw his hips stutter as he came on himself. I had gone 100 percent soft from that. I put back on my pants and acted wore out. I could feel the syringe in my pocket. I laid still hoping he thought I was asleep. Not long after, I heard snoring. I said quietly , “Jake, you awake?” Nothing. This is better than I hoped for.  I poked his toe. No movement. Awesome. Now's my chance. I took out the needle and filled it full of cool, fresh air. I steadied my movement as I stuck the needle under the nail of the unexpecting mans pinky toe. I waited for about five minutes. Just as I was about to retry, his snoring stopped. “Jakey?” No response. I poked his toe. Nothing. Then I pinched his toe. Still nothing. I climbed on top of the bed and felt for a pulse. There was none. He was dead. To make sure, I leaned down to check if he was breathing. He was not. He was dead. I had killed him. I killed him. I killed a man. 

      I walked down the stairs after making sure there was nothing left of me and plenty of drugs scattered about. I had even stuck a needle full of heroin up his arm and shut and locked the door. Cause of death,  me drugs. I found Mikey hiding outside in a bush.

      “What the flying fuck are you doing mikey?” I asked with humor in my voice.

      “That chick kept hitting on me so I hid. I think she’s still looking for me.” He said hopping out of the foliage.

      We walked home. Both of us were sober and not talking. After about ten minutes we arrived at the house. We both went our separate directions. Mikey got undressed and went to bed. I ,however, took a shower, burned the folder in the bath tub then washed away the ashes, and then sat on my bed preparing for sleep. Tonight I killed a man. It would be the first thing I had killed since that bug two days. I killed a human being. A human being who had a life, who had friends, who had a future and a human being that was just snuffed out by me. And I’m not gonna lie… I kinda liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was fun to write. I made this one a bit longer to make up for the days I'm not gonna update(I have a lot of crap going on). But be patient because more is on the way. Like always the more kudos/comments I get, the faster and longer the chapter.
> 
> So long and goodnight~ C


End file.
